Here’s my dog Phoebe’s recipe for poached eggs…
First, go poaching and steal an egg when no-one is looking. The bigger the egg, the better. If you can get away with a goose egg – awesome!
If caught in the act, meekly hand over the egg, dropping it very carefully and gently into the waiting hand. Act like you were just helping with the egg collection and always meant to hand it over.
If no-one sees you, place the egg on the ground in an out of sight place and very gently insert your canines into the top side of the egg, working away at the shell until you have a neat round hole in the upper side of the egg. Take great care to balance the egg hole side up at all times to ensure that none of the contents are spilled.
Next, use your tongue to carefully lap the delicious contents of the raw egg out through the hole. When the inside of the egg is completely bare, abandon the shell and return to your work colleagues licking your lips.
When the empty shell is discovered, deny all knowledge of it.